Exploring success on your terms
How does one define success?
The dictionary describes success to be, “The accomplishment of an aim or purpose” or “The good or bad outcome of an undertaking.”
This definition allows a lot of room for the person to choose what they want to succeed at. Yet what I have often found time and time again when we think of success it is defined by a vision of what society, our family, culture, or community deems successful not an individual's version of success.
Societal and Familial Success Metrics
Whether we like to admit it or not we as a Western society see the surface level of success as the house, car, amount of money in the bank, a closet full of the latest trends and designer labels, a prestigious job title, and an envious Instagram or TikTok feed showing off the most luxurious trips along with a perfectly manicured, in shape body featured in every photo and seen by hundreds and even better thousands or millions of people. Because in the modern 21st-century world the more eyes on you equal the more successful you are regardless if the press is good or bad.
So whether you have achieved this societal expectation of success or not this thought track of comparison to this ideal or a version of it is a constant hum in your mind and a gauge in your everyday life to whether you are good enough or not.
And we can’t forget that familial expectations and pressures play a similar role.
Perhaps your family expects you to be a good little girl or boy, they expect you to follow their view of the world, the religion they believe in or not, and the path they deem worthy of their child.
Maybe it’s to go to a certain school or follow a certain career path. Maybe it's to get married, buy the house, have the kids, and care for your parental figures as they age.
Perhaps your family's expectations and pressures are very clear, or perhaps they are not and still, you are expected to know exactly how they want you to behave without any guidelines or rubric.
So how does one define success for oneself with all of these expectations, pressures, and rules that were already in place before you were even born, and with new rules being added with every new trend or shift in this fast-paced techno world?
You either:
A) Follow the rubric that society and your circle deem successful and accept all that comes with that
B) Figure out a way to follow your own path and accept all that comes with that
Exploring success on your terms without external factors
It is important to mention that deep in your soul and heart you may desire some, if not all, of those success metrics above. But if you yearn for a version of success that is your own but struggle to step outside of the external pressures and expectations then perhaps this is a moment to explore what that could look, feel, and sound like for you.
What if you were free from guilt, shame, comparison, and fear of judgment or lack of acceptance?
How would you live your life differently if you let go of those external expectations and pressures placed upon you by society, your culture, family, or community?
And if your success was inevitable, what would you try, do, or start?
My journey exploring this topic
These were the questions I explored during a time when I had burnt myself out to the point of being bedridden trying to fit into a mold of what I thought I ‘should’ be doing, and what I thought others wanted of me.
It was a pivotal moment. I had to choose to explore this new paradigm or continue in the old one feeling exhausted, resentful, angry, unhappy, unhealthy, and numb to life.
I chose to dive into the new approach.
But first, I had to bring awareness to my current views of success.
I gauged whether or not I was successful by how smart I was, how much money I made, how many friends I had, how many people liked me, followed me on social media, liked or commented on my content, how much I hustled, said I was busy, how pretty I looked or how great my clothes were, the trips I went on, how much I gave to everyone around me at the sacrifice of myself to make others happy and comfortable even if I was miserable.
This was all a hard truth.
And when it came to my approach to business, nothing was ever good enough. It was not good enough to be as good as my fellow competitors who were at the same point in their business. I had to compare myself to people who were 5, 10, and 20 years ahead of me and be perfect all of the time which of course made me feel paralyzed in fear of failure, of not being perfect, and ultimately kept stuck and feeling behind before I even began.
I craved success in all forms (if you are a projector in human design you will understand this deeply) and yet I had this inner belief that success equaled sacrificing your health, happiness, relationships, and overall joy and gratitude for life.
During that pivotal moment, I took a deep look at the people whom I had deemed successful. And what I found shocked me. It was everything I had been afraid of. And why I kept self-sabotaging myself in the pursuit of success.
What I witnessed was people who were unhappy, unhealthy, insecure, lacked quality relationships, and who achieved society’s view of “success” yet they were never content. They always wanted more and still never felt enough. Or when they did achieve that “success” they realized it wasn’t what they wanted, in hindsight, they were striving after the wrong thing.
I was comparing, judging, and beating myself up because I hadn’t achieved this version of success that I never truly wanted to begin with.
My inner state was trying to show me through symptoms, signs, and emotions that this was a misaligned objective.
That’s when the revelation hit me.
I didn’t need to break myself to be successful.
I instead needed to change my view, approach, and metrics of success, along with my inner beliefs and thought tracks.
And when I did success felt a whole lot closer and simpler than I ever thought imaginable. It even felt good, freeing, and exciting.
My goal and final thoughts
And this is my hope for you.
To follow the path that lights you up, not dims you.
To take an approach to success that feels good and rewarding, not at the detriment of your self, health, lifestyle, relationships, wealth, or career.
To achieve all-encompassing life success and do it softly.
Do it with compassion, love, gratitude, acceptance, passion, excitement, and joy in your heart.
My goal for this blog post is to spark some curiosity within you.
To encourage you to explore your relationship, view, approach, and mindset to success.
And remind you that you have all within you to live the successful life you desire, softly but more on that soon.
If you have any questions, curiosity, or want to discuss this topic further please feel free to reach out to me here.
And stay tuned for future blog posts like ‘How to soften into success,’ ‘How to create your own unique success metrics,’ ‘My Burnout Story,’ and more.
Ps. If this resonates or lights up an inner knowing within you I invite you to book a clarity call with me. It is a no-strings-attached opportunity to meet one another, explore, answer any questions you may have, and see if we are an aligned match for one another.
